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[Q] Bean, my favorite BeanBlog entry no longer appears on this page. What gives?
[A] It has probably been archived.

[Q] I heard you did some drawings. Where can I see them?
[A] I post links to them in my blog entries. You can see a complete directory listing of them here. Also, you can suggest my next drawing subject matter by emailing me your idea.

[Q] How did you make this blog, Bean?
[A] I used the free service available from WebCrimson.

[Q] I love your page, Bean, and I'd like shower praise upon you. How can I do this?
[A] You can email me at or leave a comment or two. will no longer be updated. All future blogs will go to I am switching to blogger because Webcrimson is too unreliable. More deets here.

Posted Wednesday, April 30, 2003, 11:02 pm, [link to this entry]

Have you ever been to Sonic?  It's an old-style drive-in resturaunt, at least in the mid-west where I live.  They have great burgers, fries, cheese sticks, ice cream, etc.  Last night, I discovered that they have another extraordinary item: The Cream Slush.  It is basically a slushie in your choice of flavors (I got cherry) mixed about half and half with vanilla soft serve ice cream and blended.  It was absolutely delightful, and I highly reccomend that you all go and try one in the next few days. 

Which brings me to my point: brainfreezes, frozen brain, ice headache... whatever you call them, I love them!  Whenever I get one, I concentrate on how bad the dull pain hurts.  It lingers, sometimes for up to a minute, and I slowly get used to the pain.  Then, when the pain starts to fade and eventually goes away completely, it feels so good!  When I eat cold food, I always make sure to cause atleast one ice headache.

Also, I have a few drawings to share... both of which are based on reader submissions.  The first one is not exactly what was requested, but should suffice: it's Paul Hager outside on a nice day wearing pink sweatpants he borrowed from the Sweatpants Nazi.  Second is a picture of a blond girl sniffing glue in a bedroom.  Enjoy!


Duck Politics
Posted Wednesday, April 30, 2003, 2:13 pm, [link to this entry]

Earlier today, I sent out a link to my fellow Ducks asking them to take a political quiz.  It's a short 10 question jobber located at  I compiled the results and came up with a graphical representation of the overall political leanings of TheDuck.

As you can see, M1 is a freakish Libertarian outlier.  He wishes he worked at Crane with Dooley so he could rap politics with the infamous Paul Hager.  The "No-Spin Zone" award goes to Caleb, who incidentally is a skin head.  And by that I mean, of course, that he shaves his head.

Undiscovered Laws
Posted Monday, April 28, 2003, 9:18 am, [link to this entry]

I don't remember all of the details of this story, but I do remember the importent part; the funny part.  I had a class my sophomore year with, among many other people, two fraternity brothers of mine, Tim Hancock and Richard Tate.  The professor was going on and on about how there are plenty of undiscovered laws and properties in the realm of physics and mathematics, and how we might be the ones to uncover them:

"Who knows... one of you might find the next one.  Maybe the 'Tate Principle' or the 'Hancock Relationship'."

With this, Richard held his hand in front of him, looked at it, then looked down at his crotch and smiled.  It was a relationship that most men already knew.

Posted Friday, April 25, 2003, 3:01 pm, [link to this entry]
A few months ago, I sat down and wrote a few pages about my experiences with dieting.  I came up with what I like to think of as an all-around healthy diet plan, which I plan to attempt as soon as I am done training for my race next Saturday.  Feel free to read it if you are into that kind of thing.
Beerpong Summer
Posted Friday, April 25, 2003, 11:25 am, [link to this entry]

IndyCool is about to get a whole lot cooler.  M1 will be moving to the area in a few weeks, and he is bringing with him, along with his enormous dog Moose, a beerpong table.  M1 will be living with Koji and Yuri (the happy famiree) about 45 feet from where I will be living.  This means that this summer, within a 100 foot radius of this beerpong table will be the following poeple:


That's 6 people, which is 2 people more than it takes to play a game of beerpong.  That spells hella-beerpong for the upcoming months.  Yuri doesn't work, so she will have the advantage of daytime practice.  M1 is going into relaxed-fit mode this year, so he can practice too.  By mid-summer, they may become forces to be reconned with.  Extend the beerpong circle by a mile or two, and you pull in Welch and Rushing, who also live on the south side of Indy.  The possabilities are endless.

The way I see it, Beerpong Summer is a good thing and itis a bad thing.  The good part is that there will be beerpong-a-plenty this summer, which is always a great time, an excuse to get outside and shoot the shit with friends, and a great source for future BeanBlog stories.  The bad part is, well, now that I think about it... there is no bad part.  3 for beerpong?

Something for Everybody
Posted Thursday, April 24, 2003, 2:32 pm, [link to this entry]

Today I have no funny story to tell, no sweet new drawing to post, and nothing too interesting to say at all.  So instead of trying to fill todays entry with fluff, I have decided to post a series of links to interesting web pages that I have, for one reason or another, visited in the past few days.  There should be something in there for everybody:

For the poop-obsessed - Type R Shitter

For dolphin lovers - 5K Interactive Dolphin

For nerds - Reuleaux Triangle

For Chad - Flash 5 Tutorial

For the ignorent - The Aughts

For Madonna fans - The Smoking Gun Archives

For the carless - Plug For M1's Z3

For the HalloBean-minded - Bucky's Boneyard

For geeks - The Geek Chart

May these links provide you with no less than 5 minutes of solid entertainment, but no more than 30, because honestly, you've got better things to do.

Chewin' on Boogers
Posted Tuesday, April 22, 2003, 10:43 pm, [link to this entry]

Yesterday at work, something funny and gross happened.  I was talking with my boss, Dan, and chewing gum.  As I was talking, I felt something trickle down my upper lip onto the brim of my mouth.  My instincts took over and I grabbed it with my bottom lip and brought it into my mouth.  I then determined that it was a booger.  At this point, I had no choice but to chew it up with my gum.  It tasted salty.

Now I can't figure out whats worse... the fact that I ate a booger in front of my boss or the fact that the booger was probably hanging out there on the edge of my nostril for half the day.  Suprisingly, Dan didn't call me out on it.  If I saw someone do that, I would be like "Hey dude, you just ate your booger... you is nasty!"

Anyway, now it's picture time.  Here is a drawing of Dooley down at the local "China Bucket" chowing down on 1 gallon of assorted chinese buffet slop.


Ist Dis Is Trach?
Posted Monday, April 21, 2003, 10:31 pm, [link to this entry]

Here's a quick drawing update.  It's a picture of relaxed-fit m1 getting tricked into going to, and a box of trach that he found at work.


La Luz
Posted Monday, April 21, 2003, 11:24 am, [link to this entry]

This past Friday morning and afternoon, my friends Welch and Stutz and I hiked La Luz Trail in Albuquerque, NM. 

We unloaded at the bottom of the Sandia Mountians around 11am.  As we started up, we got a good view of the rolling foothills at the base.  We stopped at a nice overlook about 1 mile up the trail, snapped a picture, then continued upward.

Also, I climbed on top of a big rock.

As we contiunued to get higher, our views got better and better.  Here's a shot of Stutz peering over the valley at the outskirts of Albuquerque.  The rocky ridge along the top of the Sandias looked fairly menacing.  I got a nice hi-res shot of some of the jagged points sticking through the mountians.  If you look closely, you can see some of the trail switchbacks meandering up the side.

The air got pretty thin, so we too plenty of breaks.  For a 2-mile stretch, the trail was covered with ice and snow.  Here's Welch bringing up the rear at around 9000 feet.

We finally reached the peak around 4pm.  At 10500 feet, you could see forever.  Here are pics of me and Stutz standing on the top of the mountian after a 5 hour, 9 mile hike.  We caught the Tramway back down to the base.  It was an awesome time.

Also, here is a picture of the three of us at the Rio Grande River and a shot of Curts peice of shit car (the Justy).

Today, my leg muscles are sore as can be.

Posted Monday, April 21, 2003, 11:03 am, [link to this entry]

This dedication goes out to Shawn Dooley, tuning into the BeanBlog from exciting Bloomfield, IN.  It's a picture of Krog, the King of the Ogers.  And yes, I know that it should be "Ogres".


1st Wok
Posted Thursday, April 17, 2003, 12:08 pm, [link to this entry]

In Terre Haute, where I went to college, there was a Chinese restaurant called 1st Wok.  They had cheap, fast, awesome tasting Chinese food.  It was one of the best parts of my college experience.  I never thought any Chinese place could live up to the precendent set by the Hautian 1st Wok.

Until last night.  Stef and I got deleviry from another Chinese place here in Indy called 1st Wok II.  Now, I don't know if it is in any way related to the 1st Wok in Terre Haute, but I can say for sure that the food was equally as fast, cheap, and awesome tasting.  If you have a hankering for Chinese, and you are on the NW side of Indianapolis, stop by 1st Wok II in the little strip mall on the NE corner of 71st & Georgetown.  And thank me later.

Poop, Five Ducks, and ABQ
Posted Wednesday, April 16, 2003, 9:45 pm, [link to this entry]

So I have been playing around with this drawing tablet for a little while now, and let me tell you, it takes some getting used to.  I've fiddled with it an hour here and an hour there for the past few nights, and this is what I have to show.  Keep in mind, these are my first drawings.  I know they suck.  I know they don't have any meaning or any point.  I know they look like somehitng a stinkin' three year old could draw.  And guess what, they may never get any better, so there.  Anyway, here they are:


Also, I am heading to Albuquerque tomorrow afternoon with Welch to visit Curt "Sick Boy" Stutz for the weekend.  We are going to do some hiking, some camping, and probably a lot of drinking.  My only concern is that Stutz, being the sickness magnet that he is, may have SARS. 

At any rate, I'll be out for a few days, so don't expect any new drawings.  But between the outdoor activities, the binge drinking, and the infectious dieseases, I should come back with some good stories at least, right?

Draw Dis
Posted Monday, April 14, 2003, 4:12 pm, [link to this entry]

I just bought a Wacom Graphire2 PC tablet off ebay for 85 bones.  It's a pen-and-pad style input device to allow me to draw doodles on my PC.  I was inspired by the cartoons at and decided to try it myself.  My tablet arrived last night and now I am itching to draw something.  However, one big problem I am encountering is that I am totally devoid of any subject ideas.

So, starting today, if you have any ideas for things I could draw, email them to me.  I will do my best to make a doodle and feature it in a blog entry.  If this goes well, I may even create a seperate section of the site to house the drawing collection.  If it does not go well, I will attempt to sell my Wacom Graphire2 PC tablet on ebay for 85 bones.

Pnig Pnog
Posted Friday, April 11, 2003, 11:20 pm, [link to this entry]

For the past month or so, I have been playing a lot of ping pong at work.  We have a table in our work-out area, and I go in there a few times a day when I take breaks.  I'd say I play about 10 games a day.  So in the past month, I have probably played 200 games of ping pong.

"Why so much ping pong?" you may ask.  I'll tell you why: so I can get good enough to beat Jimmy Morris.  We used to play all the time back in the day, and he always seemed to edge me out one way or another... and Jimmy loves to gloat.  So that was my goal; the driving force behind my new found obsession was to come home to New Albany and whip Jimmy's ass in a best-of-three set on the table in his basement, then talk smack and retire as all time champ.

I am at home now, in New Albany for the weekend.  I just got back from Jim's house. He beat me.  DAMMIT.

Gas Bag
Posted Friday, April 11, 2003, 2:14 pm, [link to this entry]

I hung out with my friend Bilal a lot in junior high and highschool.  He was pretty tiny back then, mostly skin and bones, and I was just the opposite (i.e. fat).  One weekend, in early junior highschool if I remember correctly, I was spending the night at his house.  We were up stairs watching TV or playing with legos or something, and I got an idea.

For whatever reason, I had really bad gas that night.  I went to his kitchen and got a black garbage bag, and then every time I had to let one rip, I tried to capture it in the bag.  Also, I am talented in the fact that I can make myself burp a lot whenever I want, so I also added some burp gas into the bag as well.

Bilal saw me doing this, and knew something bad was going to happen.  He was right.  I used my weigh advantage to do something I am sure Bilal will never forget. I tackled him and put the bag over his head.  He was screaming and flailing his arms and legs, but I held the bag on tight.  After a minute or so, I let him out of the wretched bag of body gas so he wouldn't suffocate.

I hereby define this assault as the "Gas Bag".  Also, I hereby hope to God nobody ever gas bags me.

Posted Wednesday, April 9, 2003, 4:17 pm, [link to this entry]

I was reading an article about Iraq.  Coalition forces took Baghdad today, and there is quite a bit of looting going on.  On particular article I read had a short interview with an Iraqi citizen named Haider.  Here is clip from the story:

A 19-year-old called Haider said people had been ransacking government compounds since the morning to steal weapons and furniture. "Since the morning, nine o'clock, they have been looting. They are stealing weapons and I took three doors," he said.

After reading this, I began thinking about Haider, and why in the world he would steal doors.  After several duck emails about this, no conclusion was reached.  All I can assume is that Haider installed the three new doors in his hut in Baghdad.  Here is a drawing I did of what this probably looks like:

Posted Tuesday, April 8, 2003, 9:03 am, [link to this entry]

Last night, this [true] story popped into my head.  It pops into my head a lot, because it is friggin hilarious.  I thought it worthy of BeanBlog entry status... I hope you enjoy it:

Years ago, when my father retired, my Uncle Sonny gave him a hat.  Sonny sells a lot of things like hats and belts and wallets, and he has all the tools to customize them, so he imprinted "RETIRED" on the white foam front of the mesh-backed hat.  Dad proudly wore it, wore it quite a bit, and still has it it in his hat repertoire today.

Anyway, my friend Steve came over one day... and let me tell you up front that Steve is a wise-ass.  Well, he said something to my dad that I will never forget.  Steve walked in the room where my dad was watching tv, looked at the hat, and said "Marty, they misspelled 'retarded' on your hat!" 

 This was one of the funniest moments of my life.  Good one, Steve.

Save This Date: 10/25/03
Posted Monday, April 7, 2003, 3:02 pm, [link to this entry]

Cause that's the date for HalloBean 4.0 (aka The 4th Annual Graveyard Smash).  Anyone who returns my invite with an excuse like "Oh, I am busy that weekend" will be deemed "full of shit".  This is your official 6 month warning, your 6 month reminder, your 6 month pre-invitation to the best halloween party this side of yer momma's house.

Those who have attended past HalloBeans can attest to the fact that the party gets bigger every year.  This year will be no expection!  I expanded my decoration stash quite a bit last year, and I already have ideas for new additions this year.  In the months leading up to the big night, I eat, drink, and breathe Halloween.  Planning has already started, and construction will start in June.

Among the new items for HalloBean 4.0 is a new house.  That's right, for the first time in it's 4 year history, the Graveyard Smash will NOT be in an apartment!  That means I'll have a yard, a driveway, and a garage to spook.

So mark October 25th on your 2003 calendar witha  big, orange "HB"... you don't want to miss it this year.  It's only 200 days away, so you better start thinking of a costume!  I know I am.

It's Juicy Time
Posted Friday, April 4, 2003, 12:06 pm, [link to this entry]

(enough said)

Posted Thursday, April 3, 2003, 8:53 am, [link to this entry]

My friend Sean Conley was on the wrestling team in highschool.  During one tournament, he took first place in his weight division and got his picture in the local paper.  The person who took the shot, of course, had to get his name to put it in the caption.  For whatever reason, the journalist took his name down incorrectly, and "Sean Conley" came out the next day in the news paper as "Jean Conkey".  It was effin hilarious.

Several (like, 10) years later, for some reason, I began referencing him again as Jean Conkey.  In an email I wrote a long while back, I coined the nickname "Jean Conkey the Mean Honkey" because he had gotten mean whilst drunk.  It is now one of his many aliases.  I take 100% full credit for this clever rhyming nickname.

Anyway, I have known Jean Conkey the Mean Honkey for about 15 years.  More importently, I have known him the entire time I have owned my digital camera.  More importently still, is that I have a growing collection of really bad pictures of him.  And even more importent than that, I have decided to post a few of the worst.  Enjoy:

Email Report
Posted Tuesday, April 1, 2003, 2:41 pm, [link to this entry]

This is the historic monthly email output of TheDuck.  The black line is the running average.  After our initial high-volume months, we settled into about 500 emails per month, or about 40 per day (not counting weekends).  Not to shabby.  Also, note the recent activity spike; this is due to infusion of new ducks.  If you want to be one, email

We recently broke our email record, which had stood at 1499 (way back in April 2000), with a mind blowing 1555 emails in March 2003!

<highfive> Way to go! </highfive>

Baby Makes Three
Posted Tuesday, April 1, 2003, 8:14 am, [link to this entry]

Well, I guess it's ironic that I posted the "Duck Wanted" ad a few days ago.  It seems that a new duck is on the way, and will be here in about 9 months.  Last night, Stef and I found out that she is pregnant.  We have decided to get married before the baby is born.  It should work out pretty good, as we were in the process of moving into a new house together anyway.

We agree that this baby is a blessing, not a curse, and we are happy with our plans.  So keep the weekend of September 6th open.  And come, December, be on the lookout for a new baby Duck.  Also, April Fools.

Want more? Look in the archives for older entries.


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